


Don't, let me go

by ssol00



Series: Letting go [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Drabble, M/M, No Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 05:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1767430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssol00/pseuds/ssol00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Haru. We broke up six months ago."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"That means you can't say no. I decide my relationships."</p><p>"No."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't, let me go

Everyone had been supportive when Rin announced that he was going out with Sousuke — everyone, but Haru. Rin had expected a silent glare, or even a snort, but Haru had bluntly _refused_ as if he had the right to refuse in the first place.

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?! I don't need your permission Haru."

"Still. No."

Rin just didn't get Haru.

They had started dating shortly after college and their relationship had been, to put it mildly, emotionally exhausting. Six months ago, for the very first time after years of being together, Rin had called it quits. Haru had looked hurt, but he made no move to protest and that had been the final stab to the heart. Rin couldn't stand it anymore. He loved Haru too much. Deep inside, he knew Haru loved him as well, but ever so often a cold fear rose up and made him doubt that Haru felt anything for him after all.

Sometimes Haru would notice this and hold Rin close, whispering soothing words into his hair. But, more often than not he would miss it, and Rin would stew in his fears until he lashed out, with Haru receiving the brunt of the impact. It made Rin feel like a terrible person. He knew Haru felt bad too, because after a fight Haru would shut himself off from the world and Rin often wondered what Haru was thinking of in that small bathtub of his. Did he hate Rin? Rin hated Haru sometimes, and the thought that Haru could feel the same way scared him.

Rin wondered if you could ever love a person too much. He needed a break, and Sousuke had promised that he wouldn't pressure Rin. They would go on dates, have fun — no serious relationship stuff until Rin felt ready.

Rin sensed that their friends were slowly inching away, getting ready for the inevitable fight. He closed his eyes and counted to ten. Then he faced Haru, willing himself not to weaken.

"Haru. We broke up six months ago."

"Yes."

"That means you can't say no. I decide my relationships."

"No."

Oh, Rin wanted to throttle Haru. And kiss him, but that was probably out of habit. Haru looked unsure, but his mouth was set in a firm line. Rin was still bad at dealing with Haru when he was in one of his more stubborn funks, but he did have years of practice. Rin needed Haru to understand why he needed this. He knew he was being selfish, but Haru had to understand. He had to.

"What part of it bothers you? I know for a fact that Makoto set you up with someone last week. You're not being fair."

"I had lunch with someone. You're planning on sleeping with your best friend."

Rin had to admit that it sounded bad when you put it that way. But Haru wasn't being fair. Rin didn't want a casual fuck. If he did, Sousuke would have been the last person to go running to — too many strings attached. He wanted to love and be loved. He wanted to be in a healthy relationship. Sousuke just made logical sense. Rin was physically attracted to him. Sousuke understood him, sometimes even better than Rin himself. They could be great together. Hell, if he couldn't make it with Sousuke, Rin was screwed for life because he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to make it with anyone.

Rin felt his lower lip begin to tremble, but he made sure his voice was sharp and biting.

"Fuck you, Haru. After all these years, that's what you think of me. I'm not doing this to spite you. I don't do casual fucks."

Haru looked pained and he reached out to touch Rin's cheek. It was dry. Rin had hardened over the years, and he didn't cry over every little fight anymore. Rin thought that was a testament to how bad they had become. Rin flinched away from Haru's touch and when he looked up, he felt something in his chest tighten and burn. Haru looked — he looked so _sad_.

"I know you don't. That's why I don't want you to date him."

Rin wanted to scream.

 _This is bad._ He tried to remind himself. _You shouldn't feel happy about this. You should be angry. Fucking bastard is trying to hold you back from being happy. This is unhealthy. He isn't making any promises, he's just saying that he knows he can't keep you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either._

Despite all the thoughts rushing through his head, Rin felt his resolve weakening.

"I still love you, Haru."

Rin could see something akin to hope flicker in Haru's eyes, and he froze. He had meant to say that if Haru loved him back, he should let him go. Let him be happy. Let Haru himself be happy. It wasn't right to be together if you made each other miserable. Rin deserved better. So did Haru.

_What do I do? God, what do I do?_

"Rin. I..."

Rin closed his eyes. He knew what Haru was going to say next, and he couldn't stop himself from falling apart. He wanted to touch Haru so bad. He wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to fuck him and be fucked by him. He felt awful. He was a horrible, horrible person. What was he going to say to Sousuke?

_I can't do this._


End file.
